Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dangermike's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
11:59 pm	Is this thing on? Hello? Testing. Ch-ch-ch-ch-check. Where the fuck'd everyone go? LiveJournal sure looks like it's dying. Even I'm spending most of my dumb time on the Facebook. Even the Twitter. I follow Shaq. That's how goddamn trendy I am. I'll miss LiveJournal when it's gone. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 16th, 2009
1:52 pm	Hayes Carll is not Todd Snider, apparently I've had this CD for a while now. Years maybe. Someone made it for me -- I can't remember who. All this time, I thought it was Todd Snider. Sounds like Todd Snider. Well, the other day, I'm in the car telling tinka777  that I like this song on it, and she informs me that it is most definitely not Todd Snider. How does she know? Because she is a superlistener, someone who can detect minute nuances in voice and tone. Me? I can identify only Todd Snider and Metallica. Anyway, After doing a lot of research, I picked up on some clues that might have helped me identify this artist. 1. Between songs somewhere, the singer says, "Thanks for coming, everyone, it's a pleasure to open up for one of my favorite musicians, Todd Snider. 2. Before the first song, he says, "Hello, everyone, I'm Hayes Carll." 3. On the CD, whoever made it for me wrote: Hayes Carll, Live, Asheville, NC. Subtle, I know. But for years now, I never put any of this together. Of course now it all makes sense. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
7:59 pm	My fireplace So here's a discovery concerning one of the fireplaces in the house I live in. The bricks are laid to match the wood floors. How's that for craftmanship? People used to care about this sort of thing. Incredible. Check it out: (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
11:36 pm	Attention Phoenix readers Seriously, Phoenix, Todd Snider is in town this week, and if you've never seen Todd Snider live, it's an amazing show. You owe it to yourself to see it. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 29th, 2009
3:19 pm	Memory I was sanding the edges of a couple of cabinet doors so they'd fit better, and after awhile I looked down, and my arms were coated with sawdust. My grandfather was a carpenter, and when I was a child, one of my fondest memories of him was the sawdust on his arms and shoulders, clinging to the hair. I remember the way it smelled, too. After a day in the shop, Grandma would come out and brush him off before letting him into the house. I hadn't thought about these images in years. What a great memory just yanked from the recesses of my brain. Beautiful. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 16th, 2009
12:34 am	Lighten up I'm getting rid of stuff. I'm selling my stereo equipment and more than a hundred CDs. I've been carting around these CDs for more than a decade. What's that about? It's kind of sad to see them all go, but at the same time, it's sort of liberating to be free of all that stuff. Why the hell do we have so much shit? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 5th, 2009
12:49 am	And also: I'll probably need to buy the Sham-Wow. Every time I use it, I'll say, "Wow!" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:00 am	How's this new year working out for you so far? Well, look at that. It's another year. You've probably been wondering how last year went for me. What a good question. Thanks for asking. Last year was OK. I quit smoking (again). But it lasted an entire year, so maybe it'll stick. But overall, the year's been pretty good. Some highlights: 1. Haven't been fired yet. 2. Still have a girlfriend who seems to like me most of the time and who lovingly brings me tea each morning. 3. I'm more stylish now than at any other time in my life. 4. I've moved into a new place that has a pool table in the living room. 5. Saw Motorhead. 6. I won my lawsuit against my tenants. Burn in hell, you fucking dirtpigs. Some lowlights: 1. I'm still struggling to come up with career alternatives. 2. I'm fat. The other day, somebody mistook me for Louie Anderson. 3. I'll never collect any money from my former tenants. A couple resolutions: 1. I'm going to tell companies how I feel. Really. A lot of companies are really awful. And not just big ones. Little ones, too. So they need to know how they suck. 2. I need to curse more. A lot of people say that cursing is for people who can't be creative with language and need profanity as a crutch. Fuck that. People who say that are assholes. Cursing can be beautiful. 3. And of course I need to write more. Isn't that everyone's resolution? Work out more and write. Jesus christ, I'm a cliche. Whatever. This year, I'll get together a collection of writing and all 10 of my LiveJournal friends will buy it, and I'll have like twenty bucks. Solid fucking gold. Thanks for the support, everyone. There's probably a lot of good things I'm forgetting. And probably a lot of bad things, too. But that's the way it goes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to write to Comcast. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 27th, 2008
10:16 pm	California Drivin' Look, Officer, I'm not one to quibble about words. But this thing you wrote here: "Exhibition of speed" -- I have to disagree. See, this here is a 2009 Mustang GT, Officer. It produces 300 horsepower with a 4.6-liter V-8 engine. It features three free-breathing valves per cylinder and advanced variable-cam timing. It cranks out 320 pound-feet of raw low-end torque for what Ford understates as "awesome acceleration from a standing start." "Exhibition of speed"? No, sir, this is an exhibition of power. An exhibition of masculinity. This car, Officer, is an 8-cylinder cock extension. It's not about speed at all. It's about the potential for speed. Therein, I think, is where you're missing the crucial distinction. Yes, I popped the clutch. Yes, I laid some rubber. Yes, there is smoke and the glorious squeal of a hot, hot car begging to run. But what happened here tonight is certainly not an "exhibition of speed" in any way. No more than a match is an exhibition of fire. I do appreciate your time, and anyone who knows me can attest to this: I have nothing but the utmost respect for authority. But I'm going to have to decline this ticket. Thanks for stopping to talk to me. Say, what're you driving tonight? Is that a Caprice Classic? Fine car. Want to race? (Comment on this)
Monday, December 22nd, 2008
12:16 am	I'm probably just not hanging out in the right circles I see the commercials, and I wonder if anyone's ever gotten a car for Christmas. Have any of you ever gotten a car for Christmas? Or known anyone who has? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
11:16 am	Executives take note You will eventually have to give a presentation. And you'll eventually give a presentation to a large-enough group that you will need some kind of microphone. Please take just a minute to rehearse and figure out the technology. I have never been to a presentation where the people running it didn't fumble with the mike like an idiot. Some thoughts: 1. Where do I clip this thing? Maybe my belt? How about my tie? Yes, maybe I should clip this clunky thing on my tie because that doesn't make me look borderline retarded in any way. 2. Will it shriek if I walk too close to the receiver? 3. Is it loud enough? 4. Is it too loud? Can you hear my every breath? 5. Where's the cord? Is that it there on the floor? The one I'm tripping over every time I walk by it? 6. Is there a tech person to ask difficult questions to, like where the volume knob is? Or shall I ask the person sitting directly in front and to the left regardless of his or her experience with technology? 7. Is it even on? So please, please, please. Let's make this whole damn thing easier on all of us. I know that this kind of magical new technology that makes us talk louder even though we're not talking any louder is exciting and challenging. But with some patience, we can figure it out. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
12:46 pm	Stiff, awkward, no presence -- haha, no, I'm not talking about myself, thank you. Assholes. I see Keanu Reeves will be in yet another movie. How does that happen? I can't think of a worse actor than Keanu Reeves. I might understand it if he were exceptionally good-looking, but he's not. He's OK, I guess. But when you compare him with the slew of other Hollywood stars -- many of whom can actually act -- he's pretty average. Anyway, how is it that he keeps being cast in movies? What's going on here? He must have some dirt on some powerful motherfuckers out there in California. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
8:13 pm	Our new master This thing is living in our goddamn oceans, people. Are you terrified? How could you not be? Jesus fucking christ, this is a creature on our planet. Just hanging out there in the deep. Waiting. And it's not like it's far away, in some ocean in some irrelevant part of the world like Norway. It's in the Gulf of Mexico. It's right fucking here. This thing might as well live in my sink. It's that close. That's it. I'm done with water. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
2:06 pm	P.J. has some things he'd like us to look into. This cat who lives with us has issued a new demand: He will drink water only from a glass. Not a bowl or a plastic cup. A glass. So because he's elderly, we've capitulated to this particular request. Some other demands we're currently negotiating: The paper. He wants the newspaper delivered to his litterbox each morning. But not the paper I work for. He's demanding the Denver Post, which I don't subscribe to. Food. He currently eats his food from a bowl, but he's requesting a plate. Bed. At night, the two cats share equally whatever space is left that the girlfriend and I aren't taking up. He says that since he's the oldest, he deserves a reserved spot at the top of the bed, by the pillows. Clothing. He wants a sweater. Something stylish. Vacuuming. No more vacuuming. We're scheduling a summit for early December to talk over some of the demands. Meanwhile, I've appointed a blue-ribbon commission to look into the matter. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
7:10 pm	This guy's right: He doesn't answer questions about the bowling ball Reply to: sale-916298753@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-11-12, 12:16PM MST Brownish bowling ball, says Columbia 300 on it. No idea what it weighs, although I am pretty sure it's a womens' ball if that makes a difference. Nice case for it as well. I don't know much about the ball or the case, other than I want it gone. First come, first serve. It will be in the lobby of 1417 Potter Drive, 80909. Please don't email with additional questions - I will not respond. I will delete the posting when it's gone.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (Dangermike) Hi. I have a question about the bowling ball you're giving away. You say it's "brownish." I need to know if it's more of a yellow brown or a reddish brown. Let me know at your earliest convenience. Thanks. To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (Dangermike's other e-mail account) RE: bowling ball Do you know when the last time the bowling ball was balanced? And also, is it shiny? To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (yet another DM account) I'm seven years old. Is this bowling ball very heavy? To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (DM II) Good afternoon. I'm an Iraq war veteran who enjoys bowling but can't afford to go very often. I'd really like this ball and carrying case you're giving away. Do shoes come with it? I'll need a pair of shoes. If not, will you be able to provide any kind of compensation for shoes? Other items I'll need: hand chalk; embroidered shirt. To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (DM III) What year's the ball? To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (DM IV) Hello. The bowling ball you're advertising -- it's not wood, is it? To: sale-916298753@craigslist.org From: (DM V) Bowling ball says Columbia 300 on it? What's that mean? Also, how many holes does it have? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
11:09 pm	I'm really liking this artist, Thomas Doyle http://www.thomasdoyle.net/ (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 8th, 2008
11:29 pm	Suze Orman looks like Alf      (Comment on this)
8:19 pm	I just invented a new emoticon. Because the world needed a new emoticon I'm not one for emoticons. I think they can be abused by the lazy to indicate something that ought to be apparent from the context. Also, I'm not a 14-year-old girl. However, sometimes they can be handy, and I've been looking for an appropriate emoticon to express feelings of heavy metal, of bad-assness. I think I have found my emoticon. Behold: The Lemmy:   :C (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
11:45 am	How does this even happen? How is it that after eight years of some of the worst governance in the history of the entire country, nearly half of Americans still voted for Republican John McCain and Sarah Palin? God, how discouraging. Fuck you, America. Goddamn douchebags. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
3:18 pm	Colorado Springs: Intellectual and compassionate Colorado Springs newspaper readers are classy. Like this guy, for instance, in a comment about how Barack Obama has just learned about his grandmother’s death: rockymtnscotsman wrote: leave it to Barry to p-i-m-p the old girl out for more sympathy votes - what a low life piece of trash 11/3/2008 4:04:54 PM Recommend(0) Report Abuse   I'm sure it's not just here, though. I bet every newspaper in the country has comments just like this one. Makes you proud, doesn't it? (3 Comments |Comment on this)