The night Max wore his wolf suit ...
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dangermike's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, April 29th, 2010 | | 1:39 am |
| | Thursday, April 22nd, 2010 | | 10:17 pm |
Vote for us in this amazing contest!
So my girlfriend entered this contest. And it's become kind of an obsession for her. We need to win it. So if you have a minute, and I know you do because I see that you're fucking around on LiveJournal, please head on over there and give us a thumbs up. Here. Here's the page. | | Thursday, April 15th, 2010 | | 4:39 pm |
| | Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 | | 12:59 pm |
Thanks, but no thanks, Susan.
Hello, LiveJournal! You've probably been worried about me. Here's a quick update: First of all, I had to trade in Susan Sarandon. Nothing personal. It's just that, like most guys, once you can have what you've been chasing, you no longer want it. After her inexplicable breakup with Tim, she called, and the fire just wasn't there anymore. So I've moved on to Alicia Keys. She's coming over later, and we're going to a gyro place downtown.  Otherwise, things are going well. Twitter and Facebook are unsatisfying because there are so many people I work with on there that I can't say things I really think. Like: Damn, (Bill), who dresses you? Who the fuck wears those colors together? Having to watch my language is hard. Can I get a woot-woot? I don't know what that means. | | Tuesday, November 24th, 2009 | | 2:02 pm |
It's true: You're in public, and people can see you.
Last night at work, the designer messaged me to say that of the two people working on the desk, she had seen two of them picking their noses throughout the night. Yes, it's not a surprise. I frequently see them doing that. And it's not just them. It's many people I work with. I don't understand it. If you want to pick your nose in private, that's cool. I don't care much. I do not like sitting on someone's couch and having something sticky and vaguely booger-like stick to my pants. But again, whatever. At work, though, you're in public. People can see you. The newsroom is not your livingroom. My response, by the way, to the initial message informing me of the picking: Growing boys got to eat. | | Sunday, October 18th, 2009 | | 7:38 pm |
Fuck you, flu
You miserable fucking fucker. Fuck you. Fucking flu. | | Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 | | 11:26 pm |
Yukon Dangermike!
So when the girlfriend's out of town, it's natural that men will do things that the girlfriend might not approve of. This is the Natural Order of Things. On my first night alone, I've bought some absinthe. And some Yukon Jack. The cats and I are going to hang out and do some drinking. I'm not sure what I was thinking with the Yukon Jack. I'm pretty sure that if I had not been alone, I would have been prevented from making such a dumb purchase. Thing is, the Yukon is an amazing place. Something like 90 percent of its population lives in Whitehorse, on the southern edge of the territory. The rest of the place is empty. And beautiful. So I figured that a liquor with the name of Yukon Jack had to be good. Anyway, it's not very good. Turns out it's a liqueur, which is French for "syrupy garbage." I thought Yukon Jack was a Canadian Whiskey, which would have been fine. Canadian whiskey is delightful. Very nonconfrontational. Mellow. Sort of like the Rainbow Gathering of whiskeys. I'll let you know how the absinthe goes. I need sugar cubes. By the way, have I ever shown you my pictures of the Yukon? Beautiful place. I'll see if I can't track them down. | | 4:18 pm |
I kind of miss LiveJournal. I miss the anonymity and honesty. I could say things like: St. Louis needs to get down and work my junk. Or I fucking hate it when people who bring their goddamn kids to work. Maybe I should give LiveJournal another chance. | | Saturday, August 1st, 2009 | | 10:23 pm |
Luck? Maybe
Listen up, LiveJournal. They say there is no luck. That man makes his own luck. I don't know if I buy that. I mean, really, how many times has a bullet whizzed by your head, missing you by only fractions of an inch? Did I make that luck? Great philosophical question. But I don't have the time or luxury for philosophizin'. All I know is that the box says eight fish sticks. And on my plate, there are nine. Chance? Some sort of cosmic message? I don't know. And I don't care. Behold:  | | Saturday, July 11th, 2009 | | 7:41 pm |
Howdy!
Hey, everyone! Just checking in. Making sure everyone's OK. Still pretty quiet in here. Maybe we should all dedicate ourselves to posting more in LiveJournal. On the one hand, I am enjoying Facebook, I won't lie. But at the same time, it's very restrained. I can't imagine how some of those people ended up being online friends with me. Seriously. And the coworkers. Ugh. I've had just about enough of the coworkers. So what have you all been up to? | | Wednesday, April 1st, 2009 | | 11:59 pm |
Is this thing on? Hello? Testing. Ch-ch-ch-ch-check.
Where the fuck'd everyone go? LiveJournal sure looks like it's dying. Even I'm spending most of my dumb time on the Facebook. Even the Twitter. I follow Shaq. That's how goddamn trendy I am. I'll miss LiveJournal when it's gone. | | Monday, March 16th, 2009 | | 1:52 pm |
Hayes Carll is not Todd Snider, apparently
I've had this CD for a while now. Years maybe. Someone made it for me -- I can't remember who. All this time, I thought it was Todd Snider. Sounds like Todd Snider. Well, the other day, I'm in the car telling ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) tinka777 that I like this song on it, and she informs me that it is most definitely not Todd Snider. How does she know? Because she is a superlistener, someone who can detect minute nuances in voice and tone. Me? I can identify only Todd Snider and Metallica. Anyway, After doing a lot of research, I picked up on some clues that might have helped me identify this artist. 1. Between songs somewhere, the singer says, "Thanks for coming, everyone, it's a pleasure to open up for one of my favorite musicians, Todd Snider. 2. Before the first song, he says, "Hello, everyone, I'm Hayes Carll." 3. On the CD, whoever made it for me wrote: Hayes Carll, Live, Asheville, NC. Subtle, I know. But for years now, I never put any of this together. Of course now it all makes sense. | | Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 | | 7:59 pm |
My fireplace
So here's a discovery concerning one of the fireplaces in the house I live in. The bricks are laid to match the wood floors. How's that for craftmanship? People used to care about this sort of thing. Incredible. Check it out:   | | Saturday, January 31st, 2009 | | 11:36 pm |
Attention Phoenix readers
Seriously, Phoenix, Todd Snider is in town this week, and if you've never seen Todd Snider live, it's an amazing show. You owe it to yourself to see it. | | Thursday, January 29th, 2009 | | 3:19 pm |
Memory
I was sanding the edges of a couple of cabinet doors so they'd fit better, and after awhile I looked down, and my arms were coated with sawdust. My grandfather was a carpenter, and when I was a child, one of my fondest memories of him was the sawdust on his arms and shoulders, clinging to the hair. I remember the way it smelled, too. After a day in the shop, Grandma would come out and brush him off before letting him into the house. I hadn't thought about these images in years. What a great memory just yanked from the recesses of my brain. Beautiful. | | Friday, January 16th, 2009 | | 12:34 am |
Lighten up
I'm getting rid of stuff. I'm selling my stereo equipment and more than a hundred CDs. I've been carting around these CDs for more than a decade. What's that about? It's kind of sad to see them all go, but at the same time, it's sort of liberating to be free of all that stuff. Why the hell do we have so much shit? | | Monday, January 5th, 2009 | | 12:49 am |
And also:
I'll probably need to buy the Sham-Wow. Every time I use it, I'll say, "Wow!" | | 12:00 am |
How's this new year working out for you so far?
Well, look at that. It's another year. You've probably been wondering how last year went for me. What a good question. Thanks for asking. Last year was OK. I quit smoking (again). But it lasted an entire year, so maybe it'll stick. But overall, the year's been pretty good. Some highlights: 1. Haven't been fired yet. 2. Still have a girlfriend who seems to like me most of the time and who lovingly brings me tea each morning. 3. I'm more stylish now than at any other time in my life. 4. I've moved into a new place that has a pool table in the living room. 5. Saw Motorhead. 6. I won my lawsuit against my tenants. Burn in hell, you fucking dirtpigs. Some lowlights: 1. I'm still struggling to come up with career alternatives. 2. I'm fat. The other day, somebody mistook me for Louie Anderson. 3. I'll never collect any money from my former tenants. A couple resolutions: 1. I'm going to tell companies how I feel. Really. A lot of companies are really awful. And not just big ones. Little ones, too. So they need to know how they suck. 2. I need to curse more. A lot of people say that cursing is for people who can't be creative with language and need profanity as a crutch. Fuck that. People who say that are assholes. Cursing can be beautiful. 3. And of course I need to write more. Isn't that everyone's resolution? Work out more and write. Jesus christ, I'm a cliche. Whatever. This year, I'll get together a collection of writing and all 10 of my LiveJournal friends will buy it, and I'll have like twenty bucks. Solid fucking gold. Thanks for the support, everyone. There's probably a lot of good things I'm forgetting. And probably a lot of bad things, too. But that's the way it goes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to write to Comcast. | | Saturday, December 27th, 2008 | | 10:16 pm |
California Drivin'
Look, Officer, I'm not one to quibble about words. But this thing you wrote here: "Exhibition of speed" -- I have to disagree. See, this here is a 2009 Mustang GT, Officer. It produces 300 horsepower with a 4.6-liter V-8 engine. It features three free-breathing valves per cylinder and advanced variable-cam timing. It cranks out 320 pound-feet of raw low-end torque for what Ford understates as "awesome acceleration from a standing start." "Exhibition of speed"? No, sir, this is an exhibition of power. An exhibition of masculinity. This car, Officer, is an 8-cylinder cock extension. It's not about speed at all. It's about the potential for speed. Therein, I think, is where you're missing the crucial distinction. Yes, I popped the clutch. Yes, I laid some rubber. Yes, there is smoke and the glorious squeal of a hot, hot car begging to run. But what happened here tonight is certainly not an "exhibition of speed" in any way. No more than a match is an exhibition of fire. I do appreciate your time, and anyone who knows me can attest to this: I have nothing but the utmost respect for authority. But I'm going to have to decline this ticket. Thanks for stopping to talk to me. Say, what're you driving tonight? Is that a Caprice Classic? Fine car. Want to race? | | Monday, December 22nd, 2008 | | 12:16 am |
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